


The Talk

by Squid_Ink



Series: The Eagle and the Cross [58]
Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Sex Talk, The Talk, birthday fic (belated), sannam's inspirred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 09:07:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11227773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squid_Ink/pseuds/Squid_Ink
Summary: When Haytham finds out that is son is dating, he takes it upon himself to inform Connor about that one topic every parents dreads: where do babies come from.





	The Talk

Haytham laid awake, staring at the ceiling. Ziio had drifted off into the in between state of wakefulness and sleep. He, on the other hand, couldn't find rest. "He never told me."

"Hm."

"I'm his father and he never told me he was dating!"

"Hm."

"I don't know what I did wrong, Ziio! I love him and I taught him everything he knows, yet my own son didn't have the decency to inform me that he was dating… anyone!" Haytham rolled onto his side to stare at his wife's back. "Did I do something wrong with raising him? Was I at the office too much? We use to have so much fun when he was younger and now he won't even speak to me!"

"Ratonhnhaké:ton has always been private, Haytham," Ziio mumbled into her pillow. "He's seventeen. At least he's not sneaking out to meet women like that Auditore boy or the Dorian boy."

Haytham paled upon hearing that. Connor had come home with a few stories of the nightly escapades of Ezio Auditore and his playboy conquests or the neighbourhood girls. _At least the Dorian boy just goes to his girlfriend's house_ , Haytham thought. "I need to have a talk with him," Haytham said aloud.

"Haytham."

"It's high time I discuss important things in life with him. He's my son after all," Haytham said. _And I won't traumatize him like my father did with me_ , Haytham assured himself privately.

* * *

 

He found Connor that Saturday on the roof of their restaurant/apartment. He stood there, watching Connor practice one of the traditional dances of the Mohawk tribe, Ziio's old boom box was tucked into a corner, blasting out the drumbeat for Connor to dance too. Impressed, Haytham watched his son carefully set his foot down, as if Connor was following some invisible pattern only he could see.

The music stopped. Haytham clapped causing Connor to turn and blush. The boy quickly shut the boom box off. "Dad, uh… what are—"

"Practicing for the powwow I see," Haytham said, clasping his hands behind his back. "You looked good. I'm sure your mother would be pleased."

" _Ista_ is," Connor said. "So, uh… what brings you up here then?" Connor asked. Haytham puffed his cheeks out in a sigh, looking for a place to sit down but found now. Instead he sat on the ground.

"Come, sit next to me, Connor we need to talk." Haytham patted a spot next to him. Connor shrugged and sat down in the lotus position. They sat in silence, watching the evening descended upon Boston. Cars blared their horns, they could smell the cooking from the restaurant and the exhaust of vehicles. Beneath it all, the faint sound of song birds. "So, this Aveline…" Haytham trailed off. "Is she a nice person?"

"Yes. She graduated last year," Connor said.

"Oh, so she's older, I see."

"She's going to study at the community college here, then move down to Louisiana."

"I see."

"She volunteers at the same animal shelter I do."

"Is that how you two met?"

"Yes."

Haytham nodded, pushing about the tiny pebbles. He wasn't sure ow to broach the topic with his son. He wasn't even sure if Ziio talked to Connor about… sex. "So, Connor… uh… what are your intentions with… Aveline?"

"We're just friend," Connor said, sounding defensive. "We like to hang out and do stuff together from time to time."

"Right, right. Of course." Haytham chewed his lip, remembering the traumatic experience of listening to his father explain the ins and outs of sex. "So, Connor. Son." Haytham placed a hand on his son's shoulder. "I need to talk to you about something.

There was a brief moment of silence followed by Connor muttering, "Okay."

"You are seventeen, and to be perfectly honest, I should've talked to you about this years ago instead of waiting until you are… until you… until you found yourself a lady friend." Haytham swallowed. "This is sound advice that my father gave me when I was fourteen. And you need to know this if you want to have… intercourse with a woman and—"

" _Raké:ni_ , _Ista_ she already talked to me about this."

"It's important to remember this so you don't end up with broken bones or ruptured organs. Not that I would know as I have been nothing but faithful to your mother since the time I was ten. But still… this is an important talk, man to man, father to son. A Kenway man tradition."

"Daaaad…."

"Don't," Haytham said, looking Connor in the eyes, "don't ever be one of those assholes that honk their car horns at women in short skirts. As my father told me the only think you ever need 'honk' is a woman's breasts _and only_ after, now this is the important part, you've obtain consent from the woman's who's breast you wish to honk."

"Oh dear God," Connor muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Now, you and your partner, and when I say partner, I don't mean just a woman. It can be a man too. I will support you fully if you are of the homosexual orientation or bisexual if you choose. Doesn't matter to me, so long as you are happy with whomever you choose."

"Father."

"But if you decide to part take in one of the Auditore boy's orgies, remember no more than eleven. According to my father you will be sore as hell the next day and it'll be extremely difficult to please everyone." Haytham took a deep breath. "Also, condoms. Always carry at least four condoms in your wallet if you ever need them."

"Dad, stop it," Connor said. Haytham looked at his son. Connor's cheeks were flushed. "Mom talked to me about this years ago. I know. I know."

"Oh." Haytham sighed. "I just thought… well, with you and Aveline."

Connor smiled. "I'm glad you're concerned, but honestly, we're just friends. I'll let you know if something important happens between us."

"I just want you to be careful, son," Haytham said. "We haven't talked in a while and I'm afraid that we've drifted apart."

"Summer starts next week. I'd love to go camping with you."

"Hmm… I'll see if I can't take some time off. I'm sure I have some unused vacation time."

"And I will tell you if my relationship with Aveline develops further," Connor said. "At least I didn't get anyone pregnant. Did you hear that Arno got François de la Serre's daughter pregnant?"

"Oh my."

**Author's Note:**

> Assassin's Creed (c) Ubisoft  
> dialogue inpsired by sannam's Kenway Syndrome comics
> 
> Happy Birthday, MohawkWoman!
> 
> Sorry its late. T_T School, life, general shit. Hope you enjoyed this.
> 
> Save an author; leave a review.
> 
> Nemo et Nihil


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